Be Gone, Depression!

I struggle with severe depression and anxiety, which is no secret.  I try to fake a smile, and trudge forward, but I've never been a good liar, or a good faker.  I have been on the medicine merry go round since June of last year.  One medicine made me gain 65 pounds in a year, while the next put me in the hospital due to a deathly allergic reaction.  After that HORRIBLE experience, I tried to face the world on my own, without any medication, but once October hit, I just couldn't.

This started a vicious cycle of one medicine, after the other.  Some not working at all, with the most recent medicine making me an anxious, crazy, and manic mess.  I'm also an insomniac and the medicine made me so nervous, I couldn't even sleep or sit still.  It was miserable.  So, here I am again, medicine free, and I can honestly say I feel 100% better than I did with the last medication.  I still have difficult parts in the day, but I feel like I can see a light at the end of the tunnel now.  Before I couldn't even see a tunnel.

I know that some people believe that depression and anxiety is a certain mindset, and I respectfully disagree.  I feel that more people need to become aware of mental health problems and try to understand them better.  Fellow sufferers who are just like me, do their best at trying to wake up everyday with a positive mindset, but it just doesn't always happen like that.  Your mind is a powerful thing and when you have a chemical imbalance, it's basically impossible to overcome that on your own.  Trust me, oh boy have I tried.

However, I do try my best.  I force myself to go through daily routines.  I force myself to be the best I can be.  Some days I come up short and some days I am  very proud of myself.  I know that I will never completely overcome depression and the anxiety, and will probably have to always be on some type of medication, but I have made an oath to myself that I will not let it get the best of me.  Deep down, I am a great person.  I am loyal, nice, giving, shy, strong, and a wonderful mother.  I may not always come across that way as I tend to not make good impressions of myself, but I really am proud of the person I've become.

I will not give up.  I will keep looking for that sunshine.  Sometimes when I am trying a new medication, or withdrawing from an old one, it is more than hard to feel this way, but I'm trying to etch it in my brain.  I go to my doctor in a few weeks and I just know we will find the perfect medication for me and with my strong will, I WILL succeed. :o)